Atdheu, \u201ctoka ku t\u00eb ka r\u00ebn\u00eb koka\u201d, si\u00e7 shprehej \u00c7ajupi. Gjithmon\u00eb e kam vrar\u00eb mendjen se p\u00ebrse kjo fjal\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb e shkruar n\u00eb gjenet e mia, shfaqet gjithnj\u00eb, edhe at\u00ebher\u00eb kur s\u2019e pret, edhe pse kam udh\u00ebtuar n\u00eb shum\u00eb vende, n\u00eb vende q\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb i dua, si Italin\u00eb, ose Austrin\u00eb, p\u00ebr shembull. Si mundet q\u00eb nj\u00eb fjal\u00eb t\u00eb ket\u00eb nj\u00eb pesh\u00eb kaq t\u00eb madhe te ty, kur ti nuk e zgjedh vendin ku lindesh, nuk i zgjedh as prind\u00ebrit, as familjen ku rritesh, as gjuhen q\u00eb flet. Gjith\u00e7ka \u00ebsht\u00eb krejt\u00ebsisht rast\u00ebsore dhe prap\u00eb, ti ndjehesh i rob\u00ebruar nga kjo rast\u00ebsi, madje edhe kur t\u00eb shkakton vuajtje t\u00eb vazhdueshme? Latin\u00ebt pat\u00ebn th\u00ebn\u00eb : \u201cUbi bene ibi patria\u201d. Si me than\u00eb shqip: \u201cAtje ku asht ma mir\u00eb p\u00ebr mua, atje asht atdheu im.\u201d Un\u00eb nuk kam mundur ta g\u00eblltis k\u00ebt\u00eb, ta ndjej veten k\u00ebshtu, edhe pse jam orvatur ta b\u00ebj. Dhe e kam vrar\u00eb mendjen pse. Gjith\u00e7ka nis me f\u00ebmij\u00ebrin\u00eb, me koh\u00ebn kur ke filluar t\u00eb marr\u00ebsh mend, t\u00eb shqiptosh fjal\u00ebt e para, kur ke filluar t\u00eb loz\u00ebsh n\u00eb oborr, t\u00eb njoh\u00ebsh pak e nga pak njer\u00ebzit q\u00eb ke pran\u00eb e t\u00eb rrethojn\u00eb me dashuri, bot\u00ebn q\u00eb t\u00eb shfaqet para syve. Gjith\u00e7ka fillon at\u00ebher\u00eb kur ke filluar t\u00eb thuash nana ime, baba im, gjyshi im, motra ime, oborri im, sht\u00ebpia ime, kopshti im, arat e mia, kodrat e mia, pyjet e mia, livadhi im, pem\u00ebt e mia, pjergullat e mia, lulet e mia, lumi im, p\u00ebrrenjt\u00eb e mi, krojet e mia, fjal\u00ebt me t\u00eb cilat ke filluar t\u00eb shprehesh veten, at\u00eb q\u00eb ndjen, at\u00eb q\u00eb mendon. Gjith\u00e7ka vjen e p\u00ebrkryer te ty, dhe nj\u00eb dit\u00eb, kur ti jeton n\u00eb nj\u00eb vend tjet\u00ebr, gjith\u00e7ka e f\u00ebmij\u00ebris\u00eb vet\u00ebm sa rritet e p\u00ebrsoset brenda teje, n\u00eb shpirtin dhe imagjinat\u00ebn t\u00ebnde. K\u00ebtu mendoj se z\u00eb fill edhe atdheu, k\u00ebtu rritet e projektohet brenda teje, p\u00ebr t\u00eb mos u \u00e7liruar kurr\u00eb prej tij. Ti ik\u00ebn larg, shkon n\u00eb nj\u00eb vend tjet\u00ebr, jeton n\u00eb nj\u00eb qytet tjet\u00ebr, n\u00eb nj\u00eb shtet tjet\u00ebr, po ai nuk t\u00eb ndahet, \u00ebsht\u00eb aty me ty, brenda teje, klith vazhdimisht e t\u00eb fton t\u00eb kthehesh aty nga ku u nise. Dhe ti kthehesh dhe sheh, se qershia e vjet\u00ebr q\u00eb e pati mbjell\u00eb dikur gjyshi yt nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb, se g\u00ebshtenj\u00ebn treqind vje\u00e7are e ka goditur vet\u00ebtima dhe \u00ebsht\u00eb thar\u00eb, se pjergull\u00ebn e vjet\u00ebr, q\u00eb mbulonte me hije gjysm\u00ebn e oborrit e ka zhdukur nj\u00eb s\u00ebmundje e panjohur. Ti vjen dhe shtangesh i pushtuar nga nj\u00eb dhembje e pashpjegueshme, ndjehesh i humbur, i huaj. Atdheu q\u00eb ke parasysh nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb atdheu q\u00eb ke brenda vetes, n\u00eb shpirtin dhe imagjinat\u00ebn t\u00ebnde. Dhe brezit tim i filloi shpejt kjo mbytje e atdheut, kjo krasitje dhe tkurrje e tij. Socializmi, si regjim apatrit, filloi ta tkurrte me dhun\u00eb atdheun. Arat nuk jan\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb tuat, kopshti nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb i yti, mali, lumenjt\u00eb, fushat, kodrat, t\u00eb gjitha jan\u00eb t\u00eb t\u00eb gjith\u00ebve. Asgj\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb e jotja. Vendi im, atdheu im dhe i t\u00eb gjith\u00ebve ne, q\u00eb jemi shqiptar\u00eb, duket si nj\u00eb atdhe i mallkuar me eksod. Vet\u00ebm ikje, ikje, ikje nga syt\u00eb k\u00ebmb\u00ebt, jo me dit\u00eb e muaj, por me shekuj. Nj\u00eb shkretim q\u00eb t\u00eb ngjeth mishin. Shkaqet jan\u00eb t\u00eb ndryshme, her\u00eb jasht\u00eb e her\u00eb brenda nesh. Por as n\u00eb shekullin e nj\u00ebzetenj\u00eb, ne nuk kemi mundur ta b\u00ebjm\u00eb vendin ton\u00eb t\u00eb jetuesh\u00ebm. Nuk kemi mundur ta p\u00ebrmbushim at\u00eb porosi amanet t\u00eb profesorit amerikan Harry Fultz: \u201cB\u00ebjeni vendin tuaj t\u00eb jetuesh\u00ebm!\u201d. Ndaj atdheu \u00ebsht\u00eb dhembje, dhembje e pash\u00ebrueshme brenda meje, edhe pse Fishta i pap\u00ebrs\u00ebritsh\u00ebm k\u00ebndonte \u201cSe p\u00ebrqark ksaj rrokullije\/ Si Shqypnija vend nuk ka\u201d.<\/p>\n
Fjala shqipe, ajo fjal\u00eb e par\u00eb, e lasht\u00eb, e shqiptuar nga goja e nan\u00ebs time, e bab\u00ebs tim, e gjyshit, e st\u00ebrgjyshes, e gjith\u00eb atyre njer\u00ebzve t\u00eb dashur q\u00eb populluan f\u00ebmij\u00ebrin\u00eb time. \u201cFjala shqipe gjithmon\u00eb m\u00eb ka magjepsur n\u00eb goj\u00ebn e nan\u00ebs time\u201d, kam shkruar n\u00eb nj\u00ebr\u00ebn nga eset\u00eb, t\u00eb botuar para nj\u00eb viti n\u00eb librin tim \u201cRrug\u00eb pa krye.\u201d M\u00eb takoi m\u00eb von\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebsoj gjuh\u00eb t\u00eb tjera, t\u00eb lexoj poezi e proz\u00eb n\u00eb anglisht, n\u00eb italisht, n\u00eb rusisht dhe fjal\u00ebt n\u00eb secil\u00ebn gjuh\u00eb kan\u00eb bukurin\u00eb, magjepsjen dhe madh\u00ebshtin\u00eb e tyre. Por lidhja me fjal\u00ebn shqipe \u00ebsht\u00eb tjet\u00ebr, \u00ebsht\u00eb biblike: E para ishte fjala shqipe! E kjo t\u00eb shkakton edhe ankth, edhe pasiguri, edhe frik\u00eb. Sikur ke nj\u00eb dashuri t\u00eb madhe dhe aty p\u00ebr aty t\u00eb pushton paniku se mos e humb. Shqipja me siguri ka humbur shum\u00eb n\u00eb shekujt e err\u00ebt t\u00eb historis\u00eb, por megjithat\u00eb ka mbijetuar, t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn deri tani si nj\u00eb gjuh\u00eb e gjall\u00eb, e mistershme, hyjnore. Fjala v\u00ebrtet\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb dashuri, por edhe brisht\u00ebsi e delikates\u00eb. M\u00eb ngjan her\u00eb pas here me flak\u00ebn e qiriut q\u00eb digjet duke u dridhur dhe ti trembesh se mos fryn ndonj\u00eb shkulm ere dhe e shuan. Mirditor\u00ebt kan\u00eb nj\u00eb mallkim shum\u00eb t\u00eb \u00e7uditsh\u00ebm dhe dramatik: \u201cT\u00eb vdekt\u00eb fjala\u201d, i thon\u00eb dikujt, kur duan t\u2019i japin n\u00ebm\u00ebn m\u00eb t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00eb. <\/p>\n
Zhg\u00ebnjimi. N\u00eb ve\u00e7anti kur zhg\u00ebnjen njer\u00ebzit q\u00eb kan\u00eb besim te ty. \u00cbsht\u00eb shum\u00eb e r\u00ebnd\u00eb, e pap\u00ebrballueshme. M\u00eb kujtohet nj\u00eb nga dit\u00ebt m\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebqija t\u00eb jet\u00ebs time. Isha n\u00eb klas\u00eb t\u00eb gjasht\u00eb dhe at\u00eb vit, nuk e di se p\u00ebr \u00e7far\u00eb arsyeje, pata rezultate jo t\u00eb mira n\u00eb m\u00ebsime. Solla d\u00ebftes\u00ebn me nota n\u00eb sht\u00ebpi. E shikoi nana. Nuk tha asnj\u00eb fjal\u00eb, por kurr\u00eb nuk kam p\u00ebr ta harruar zhg\u00ebnjimin n\u00eb fytyr\u00ebn e saj. Ajo kishte aq besim tek un\u00eb, thurte aq \u00ebndrra p\u00ebr mua, gjith\u00e7ka q\u00eb nuk kishte arritur n\u00eb jet\u00eb e shihte t\u00eb realizueshme n\u00ebp\u00ebrmjet meje. At\u00eb dit\u00eb i premtova vetes se kurr\u00eb m\u00eb nuk do ta zhg\u00ebnjeja nan\u00ebn time. At\u00ebher\u00eb nuk e kisha lexuar Denise Levertovin q\u00eb thot\u00eb: \u201cMos b\u00ebj premtime q\u00eb jeta nuk t\u00eb lejon t\u2019i mbash.\u201d Gjithmon\u00eb m\u00eb ka munduar kjo gj\u00eb: frika se mos i zhg\u00ebnjej njer\u00ebzit q\u00eb kan\u00eb besim tek un\u00eb. Po sa e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb kjo n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb bot\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb cil\u00ebn jetojm\u00eb. <\/p>\n
Buz\u00ebqeshja. T\u00eb jesh i buz\u00ebqeshur, edhe at\u00ebher\u00eb kur jeta ta shtr\u00ebngon lakun n\u00eb fyt. T\u00eb mos e humbas\u00ebsh g\u00ebzimin e t\u00eb jetuarit, sa koh\u00eb qe ke frym\u00ebn. T\u2019i b\u00ebsh t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt t\u00eb ndjehen mir\u00eb n\u00eb pranin\u00eb t\u00ebnde. Po sa e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb ta ruash gjithmon\u00eb qeshjen n\u00eb fytyr\u00eb, n\u00eb sy, n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb vend ku qeverit\u00eb, pushtetet dhe shum\u00eb prej njer\u00ebzve mendojn\u00eb vet\u00ebm se si t\u00eb ta nxijn\u00eb jet\u00ebn or\u00eb e minut. Megjithat\u00eb, Nan\u00eb Tereza porosit: \u201cGjithmon\u00eb kur takohemi me nj\u00ebri-tjetrin le t\u00eb buz\u00ebqeshim. Buz\u00ebqeshja \u00ebsht\u00eb fillimi i \u00e7do dashurie.\u201d Dhe v\u00ebrtet, buz\u00ebqeshja q\u00eb vjen prej shpirtit \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb virtyt q\u00eb e hijeshon njeriun. Nga grat\u00eb, p\u00ebr shembull, m\u00eb shum\u00eb se ngjyr\u00ebn e syve, t\u00eb flok\u00ebve, form\u00ebn e hund\u00ebs, mjekr\u00ebs, apo buz\u00ebve, mbaj mend buz\u00ebqeshjen. Buz\u00ebqeshja flet shum\u00eb p\u00ebr njeriun. Askush nuk mund t\u00eb fshihet pas saj, sado q\u00eb t\u00eb mundohet.<\/p>\n
Pyete veten s\u00ebrish, edhe at\u00ebher\u00eb kur t\u00eb duket se gjith\u00e7ka e ke t\u00eb qart\u00eb e nuk ka m\u00eb vend p\u00ebr pyetje. N\u00ebse n\u00eb m\u00ebngjes zgjohesh me nj\u00eb pyteje n\u00eb mendje, je duke bluar n\u00eb tru nj\u00ebkoh\u00ebsisht dhjetra p\u00ebrgjigje t\u00eb mundshme. Mendja jote, pra, \u00ebsht\u00eb v\u00ebn\u00eb n\u00eb pun\u00eb. Po n\u00ebse je zgjuar me nj\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje, je zgjuar n\u00eb port\u00ebn e zbraz\u00ebtis\u00eb. N\u00ebse ke nj\u00eb pyetje, t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn ke nj\u00eb mund\u00ebsi, k\u00ebrkimin e p\u00ebrgjigjes. \u00cbsht\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb se shumica e pyetjeve nuk marrin p\u00ebrgjigje kurr\u00eb, por nj\u00eb mendje e paaft\u00eb t\u00eb shtroj\u00eb pyetje \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb mendje e paralizuar. E v\u00ebrteta \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb atribut hyjnor dhe nuk mund ta arrijm\u00eb at\u00eb kurr\u00eb plot\u00ebsisht, por ne na \u00ebsht\u00eb dh\u00ebn\u00eb mund\u00ebsia e k\u00ebrkimit t\u00eb saj. Dhe \u00e7do k\u00ebrkim fillon me nj\u00eb pyetje. Historia e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb e progresit njer\u00ebzor ka filluar me shtrimin e nj\u00eb pyetjeje, jo me nj\u00eb p\u00ebrgjigje.<\/p>\n
Or\u00ebt e pagjuma, shp\u00ebtimtaret e mia, ato q\u00eb i kan\u00eb dh\u00ebn\u00eb form\u00eb profilit tim krijues. Gjith\u00e7ka t\u00eb mir\u00eb q\u00eb kam b\u00ebr\u00eb n\u00eb jet\u00eb k\u00ebtu e ka zanafill\u00ebn, n\u00eb k\u00ebto or\u00eb t\u00eb mistershme. Dikur kam shkruar nj\u00eb tregim me k\u00ebt\u00eb titull, tregim q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb botuar n\u00eb librin tim t\u00eb par\u00eb. Pak a shum\u00eb, k\u00ebt\u00eb kam rr\u00ebfyer n\u00eb at\u00eb tregim, at\u00eb q\u00eb ndodh n\u00eb or\u00ebt e pagjuma, nat\u00ebn von\u00eb, i shtrir\u00eb n\u00eb shtratin t\u00ebnd, kredhur n\u00eb err\u00ebsir\u00eb. N\u00eb k\u00ebto or\u00eb bien perdet e mendjes. \u00c7do sken\u00eb shfaqet me nj\u00eb qart\u00ebsi t\u00eb frikshme. Ato q\u00eb kan\u00eb ndodhur gjat\u00eb dit\u00ebs q\u00eb shkoi, ato q\u00eb kan\u00eb ndodhur para nj\u00eb jave, para nj\u00eb muaji. Ti i xhiron mbrapsht dhe i risheh, tashm\u00eb duke pikasur \u00e7do imt\u00ebsi, \u00e7do holl\u00ebsi, q\u00eb gjat\u00eb dit\u00ebs t\u00eb ka kaluar pa u v\u00ebn\u00eb re, nuk t\u00eb ka t\u00ebrhequr v\u00ebmendjen. Gjith\u00e7ka t\u00eb shfaqet zbuluar, lakuriq, sikur po e hulumton me mikroskop. N\u00eb k\u00ebto or\u00eb kan\u00eb z\u00ebn\u00eb fill edhe shum\u00eb prej tregimeve t\u00eb mi.<\/p>\n
Vdekja q\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb m\u00eb vendos para nj\u00eb dileme t\u00eb pazgjidhshme: \u00e7far\u00eb p\u00ebrcaktimi ka ajo n\u00eb jet\u00ebn ton\u00eb, i jep kuptim ekzistenc\u00ebs, apo d\u00ebshmon se vet\u00eb jeta jon\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb shaka e hidhur, tragjike? N\u00eb adoleshenc\u00ebn e hershme ideja e vdekjes m\u00eb torturonte vazhdimisht, sikur strukej e m\u00eb p\u00ebshp\u00ebriste nga posht\u00eb n\u00ebnkres\u00ebs. Por kur u rrita e harrova, iku larg dhe duket shum\u00eb rrall\u00eb. Tashm\u00eb pothuajse nuk e mendoj, edhe pse \u00e7do dit\u00eb q\u00eb kalon t\u00eb afron nj\u00eb hap m\u00eb shum\u00eb pran\u00eb asaj porte t\u00eb mistershme, t\u00eb panjohur, q\u00eb askush nuk ka mundur ta hap\u00eb. Instinkti i jet\u00ebs nuk mund ta pranoj\u00eb se p\u00ebrtej asaj porte shtrihet mbret\u00ebria e hi\u00e7it. Gjithsesi, kur ndodh t\u00eb gjendem n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb vorbull, e di se jam n\u00eb nj\u00eb rrug\u00eb pa krye. <\/p>\n
Botuar n\u00eb \u201cKoha Ditore\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Atdheu, \u201ctoka ku t\u00eb ka r\u00ebn\u00eb koka\u201d, si\u00e7 shprehej \u00c7ajupi. Gjithmon\u00eb e kam vrar\u00eb mendjen se p\u00ebrse kjo fjal\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb e shkruar n\u00eb gjenet e mia, shfaqet gjithnj\u00eb, edhe at\u00ebher\u00eb kur s\u2019e pret, edhe pse kam udh\u00ebtuar n\u00eb shum\u00eb vende, n\u00eb vende q\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb i dua, si Italin\u00eb, ose Austrin\u00eb, p\u00ebr shembull. Si mundet q\u00eb […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":91397,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-91396","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-te-tjera"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/neutrale.al\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91396","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/neutrale.al\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/neutrale.al\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neutrale.al\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neutrale.al\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=91396"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/neutrale.al\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91396\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":91398,"href":"https:\/\/neutrale.al\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91396\/revisions\/91398"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neutrale.al\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/91397"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/neutrale.al\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=91396"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neutrale.al\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=91396"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neutrale.al\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=91396"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}